New Lease on Life

Four years ago I was done with life. I’m not just talking about sad or miserable, I was done. I was dreaming for weeks how to take my own life. I knew it was wrong. I knew it was selfish. The pain was so bad. It was making me ill. I just knew if I did I would leave a terrible legacy on my children and their children.

Where did all this pain come from? I lost my construction business in the 2008 in the economy crash. I had lost everything house, truck, boat, and dirt bikes. I lost faith in myself to do anything.

My marriage of 26 years was already very unhappy. The kind that sent me running every time I got a chance. My ex-wife is a wonderful person and mother. We just never could work together at anything. It’s sad to me really. I could run a multimillion dollar construction company, but I didn’t know how to be a good husband. Instead of thinking about how I could have good communication with her, I knew what she would say or do and it would end up in a big fight. My answer to that was just work more. Avoid the obvious fight we are going to have. The pressure in the pot just kept getting worse and worse. I knew it would someday blow. The question was in what direction at home, or me just taking my own life. I was stuck... I didn’t know where to turn. In my religion divorce wasn’t an option. Coming from divorced parents I so wanted my marriage to work. I just didn’t have the tools.

I have always believed in a creator, a loving God. One that looked over us, but one that gave us agency to do with our lives what we will. I also believe he sends us Angels to help us understand ourselves. Teach us to listen to that soft voice in our mind telling us which path to go. Sometimes the world’s noise is so loud we just can’t hear the words or feel them.

For me four years ago that angel was Amy. She helped remember the good in me. She helped me go back through my past, as far back as my first memories as a child. My childhood was full of painful memories. I was able to go through each one of those memories’ in the sessions we had. I learned from them. It made me a stronger and better person going through it with Amy. Instead of my childhood being a weakness it became a strength. It wasn’t the outcome had changed. What had changed was my perspective on how I saw myself, the lessons I learned. It was a wonderful change in me. I became full of hope. I came to understand I could recreate myself, Do better. I started working more. I could finally pay the bills. It felt wonderful. Thank you Amy for the new lease on life.

Chuck,